


Unthinkable

by Nova_Raven



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Bromance, Hurt/Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 09:27:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18518626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nova_Raven/pseuds/Nova_Raven
Summary: Elton turned abruptly on his heel and tore towards the doorway, after him.  Sam made to follow him because it was the only thing he could think to do through the white noise in his head and the blood pumping hot and furious through his veins but Elton stopped him.  With a none too gentle hand on his chest, he snarled, “Help Colby.  Corey and I will get him.”  And then the two of them were gone, their pounding footsteps just barely audible over the pounding of blood in his ears.





	Unthinkable

**Author's Note:**

> Not slash, just bromance. Happens when Elton lives at the house.

The night wasn’t supposed to end like this.  

Sam, Corey and Elton had gone to a concert, leaving Colby at home to film with Brennen like the two of them had been trying to do all week.  When the three had come home at 2am, they had expected to find the house dark and empty and silent.

It was none of those things.  

The downstairs lights and TV were on like someone ought to be down there, and the quiet Sam had expected from upstairs was not present.  Instead, when he walked in the door he heard noises that were clearly sex noises, complete with rhythmic thumping and whimpers.

Colby must have brought a girl home.

Sam glanced at the other roommates, starting to grin.  Maybe it was that blonde girl Rebecca Colby had been hanging out with recently.  Elton’s face split into a shit eating grin. Never a subtle one, he hollered, “Hey, get it Colby!” Breaking into giggles echoed by the others.

The thumping noises stopped, and rather than an indignant swear or girlish shriek, Sam heard thumping and rustling, and what almost could have been a muffled scream.  The jubilance that had previously been in Sam’s face fell as he started to realize that something was wrong. “Elton…?” He started, but his roommate was already moving for the stairs.

Sam followed after him quickly, a growing sense of dread in his heart.  “Colby?” He called, reaching the top of the stairs just as Colby’s door burst open.  But rather than an indignant Colby glaring at them, a large man all in black ripped out of the room and shoved past them down the stairs.  

Actual panic ignited in his heart.  “Colby?” He ran for his friend’s door, Corey and Elton behind him.  He reached the doorway and froze, ice spreading over his heart and sinking down into his stomach at what he saw.  White noise started up in his ears because he couldn’t possibly be looking at what he was, it couldn’t be…

There was silence for a moment as the roommates took in what was in front of them.   

“I’m gonna kill him.” Elton stated, and Sam swore he had never heard this tone in Elton’s voice.  He had heard their friend upset and frustrated before, but never like this; clear intent to kill and avenge in his voice.

Elton turned abruptly on his heel and tore towards the doorway, after _him_.  Sam made to follow him because it was the only thing he could think to do through the white noise in his head and the blood pumping hot and furious through his veins but Elton stopped him.  With a none too gentle hand on his chest, he snarled, “Help Colby. Corey and I will get him.” And then the two of them were gone, their pounding footsteps just barely audible over the pounding of blood in his ears.

 _Help Colby… how can I help him after…_ The white noise buzzed like a million little flies across his nerve endings as Sam stepped fully into the room, seeing what he had only glimpsed before, feeling the dread sink acutely into his gut and roil there, making him vaguely sick to his stomach.  

“Colby…” Colby didn’t seem to register Sam’s presence, nor the sound of his name. He remained where he had been left; wrists bound, kneeling, bent over with his sweatpants pulled down and blood… Sam swallowed harshly, refusing to let his mind wander any further as he tried to ignore the adrenaline and anger making his heart race and body tremble.

 _Colby.  Colby needed help._  

“Hey, Colby,” Sam approached his friend and knelt down to try to pick at the duct tape on his wrists.  The instant he made contact though, Colby flinched violently. Then came the first sound Sam had heard from him through all of this: a quiet whimper.  

Sam mentally slapped himself.  “Shit, shit, I’m sorry bro. It’s me, it’s Sam, I’m here, okay, he’s gone.”  He had pulled his hands away and raised them in a surrender. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you’re okay.”

It was only then that Colby turned to look at him, and Sam’s heart broke just a little bit more.  Colby’s eyes were red and wet with unshed tears, black duct tape wrapped harshly around his head and over his mouth, and his expression was empty and lost, as though his mind had vacated his body.

“Colby…” Sam breathed again, trying hard to suppress the urge to cry himself.  “I uh, I’m gonna get the duct tape off, okay? Can I… can I touch you?” Colby shrugged briefly, eyes returning to the floor.  “Shit… okay, okay.” Sam tried to tackle the duct tape binding Colby’s hands first, but he could see that Colby had been struggling, the tape warped from pressure and Sam scrabbled pointlessly at the seam, his movements impeded by the shaking in his hands and the roaring in his ears.   _Fuck._

“Okay, uh, I can’t get this off so I… I’m gonna go get scissors, okay?”  Sam stepped away from Colby, eyes casting frantically around the room and praying that Colby had a scissors or a knife or something that would help him cut through the tape. His whole body was shaking as Sam struggled to keep it together for his best friend as his brain fumbled around what had just happened, that that guy had…

“Aha!”  Scissors, stuffed in a cup on Colby’s desk.  “Okay, okay.” He fell to his knees, trying so hard not to poke Colby with the point of the scissors.  “I’m gonna pull it off man, I’m so sorry,” Sam apologized for the pain he knew he was inflicting, pulling the tape away from red and abused wrists.  Colby barely flinched even as the tape pulled on the sensitive skin.

He didn’t move from his bent over position at first, hands falling slowly to his sides.   “Colby, can you sit up?” Sam gently pulled on Colby’s shoulders, pulling his body into an upright position. Colby didn’t resist, but he didn’t initiate either, simply following along with Sam’s movements.  

“You’re okay man, you’re okay.”  The gag was going to be harder. He would have to pull the tape away from Colby’s face… He moved in front of Colby where he could get a better look at what he was dealing with.  “Colby, man, I’m sorry about this.” Colby finally met his eyes, seeming at least to recognize him. “This is probably gonna hurt.” He very _very_ gently peeled a part of the tape off of Colby’s cheek, following the newly exposed gap with scissors.  Colby flinched when Sam accidentally poked him, but he seemed to slowly be coming back into his head, which Sam counted as a victory.  He even reached up and helped Sam pull the duct tape off of his face. Sam cringed as Colby got the tape past his mouth only to pull what looked like a sock out of his mouth.  Colby cast it aside with a vengeful motion, the first emotion Sam had seen from him since Sam got home.

“Hey Colby,” Sam spoke softly, hoping Colby would start talking with the tape removed.  Colby seemed to be thinking, maybe taking stock of the situation. He winced as he shifted, and touched the waistband of his sweatpants, pulled down to his knees.  He shuddered, eyes closing as he shifted to pull them back up to his waist. “Colby…?” Sam asked, more concerned now that Colby wasn’t responding.

“... he’s gone?” Colby’s voice was wrecked, harsh and broken from what Sam imagined must be screaming.  Screaming for help, for him to stop, for… Sam had to stop his cascade of thoughts before he lost his tenuous hold on his sanity.

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, “Corey and Elton took off after him.”     

Colby shuddered, hands coming up to hug himself as he stared at the space in front of him.  It was silent for a moment, and Sam sensed that no further words were coming. He put a hand on Colby’s shoulder, moving slow enough that Colby had to see him coming.  “We need to get you to the hospital, man.”

Colby flinched hard.  “I…” His breathing picked up, a trembling starting up in his body.  “Sam…”

“You’re hurt,” Sam said firmly, hating that Colby was hurting, hating that he was going to subject his friend to more discomfort and strange people and touching, “And you have to check…” There was blood, Colby must be hurt, and... who knew if the guy had diseases?

Colby looked for a moment like he might be heading towards a panic attack,before his breathing gradually slowed again.  Sam was confused at first, but then his heart sank, as he saw the emptiness that resumed its place in Colby’s eyes. _Shock, dissociation…_ “Okay.”

*

Elton and Corey caught the guy, in the end.  Held him down, kicking and screaming until the cops came.  Elton even managed to restrain himself from kicking the guy’s face in, knowing that legally the repercussions wouldn’t be worth the momentary satisfaction.  

He definitely hadn’t been nice holding the guy down though.

Sam swore his heart broke a million times in the weeks that followed.  Other than some tearing and bruises and very nasty hickies, Colby hadn’t been injured.  The evidence they had against the guy was pretty damning just based on witness testimony, and there was evidence all over - _inside of-_ Colby.  Legally speaking, the case was pretty simple.  The guy wasn’t getting out any time soon.

Listening to him after he had realized he was caught had been the worst for all of them.  His callous description of all the things he had planned to do, all the atrocities he had planned for their friend, as if _rape_ hadn’t been bad enough, as if Colby hadn’t still been so out of it during the proceedings, as if Sam didn’t know that emotionally, this was far from over for all of them.  

Elton didn’t speak after that hearing, retreating down to his den alone in scary silence.  Corey screamed until his voice was gone in the backyard, cursing everything he knew how to curse.  Aaron dove into his video games, raging just a bit too hard for the circumstances, and Sam? He sat quietly in his room across the hall from Colby’s, silent and angry and scared.  

Legally speaking, everything was over.  They could move on with their lives.

Except Sam knew one of them was still very much trapped in that night.  

Colby hadn’t been… Colby, since that night.  He had retreated into his head, barely speaking; a ghost of his former self.  He didn’t sleep much, and Sam knew that when he did; it was fitful and full of night terrors.  Too many times he would be awoken by Colby’s screams, pleas for mercy, begging an invisible attack to just please _stop_ …

Sam tried to be there for those episodes, tried to talk his friend back to reality.  It was the only time Sam saw any real emotion on his friend’s previously expressive face.  And in that Sam both loved and hated having to talk him out. Because Colby crying and panicking was still Colby, and not the zombie that had come to inhabit their house.  As much as Sam wanted to hold him and hug it out, he had learned (along with the other roommates) that any sort of restrictive hold on Colby was a sure way trigger an episode.  Colby, previously very touchy feely with his friends, had begun to shy away from touch almost entirely.

He missed their easy companionship.  He missed his friend.

The videos on Colby’s channels stopped, after a short video saying that he was dealing with some personal things and needed to take a break.  Sam had seen that video. In it, Colby wasn’t himself at all. The fans had noticed that something was clearly wrong, too wrong, that there was something they weren’t being told.  But Colby didn’t respond to the internet after that final video, and the rest of the roommates did their best to divert the concern from his fanbase, saying that Colby would talk about it when he was ready.  

Except Sam didn’t know if he would ever be ready.

“I just don’t know what to do…” Sam whispered, fingers carding through Kat’s hair absentmindedly.  She lay sprawled across his chest, head tucked into his shoulder, both of them listening to the quiet whimpers that signaled the start of a night terror for Colby.

She lifted her head to look at him, shrugging sadly.  “I wish I knew.” She kissed him gently. “Just be there for him.”  She looked at the door, shifting off of Sam. “You should probably go.”  

Sam’s heart ached.  He knew this had been hard on Kat too, the nights she stayed over often ended up with her alone in Sam’s room as he brought Colby down.  “I’m sorry,” He started to apologize, but Kat waved him off.

“Go.” She said firmly.  “He needs you right now.”  

Sam sighed, finally moving off the bed.  “I’ll be back,” He promised, and Kat smiled wryly, knowing that it might be well after she fell asleep, or with Sam broken up about what his best friend had suffered.  

“Good luck.”

Sam opened the door to his room, listening to the sounds from Colby’s room get louder.  He noticed Aaron’s head poking out from his door, probably still up, making sure someone would be with their friend.  He traded nods with Aaron, and his friend retreated back to his room.

Colby was awake when he came in.  Well, no longer sleeping, but certainly not aware of the world.  His arms and legs curled into his chest as if trying to protect himself, backed into a  corner, making himself as small a target as possible. Between gasping breaths came sobbing pleas, “Please stop, please stop, I’m sorry, please stop, it hurts…” Sam bit back at the lump in his throat, stepping towards his friend.

“Colby, you’re okay, it’s Sam,” He started, “It’s Sam, you’re okay, you’re safe, I need you to come back…”  Sam continued his senseless narration as he approached Colby. He had learned that Colby reacted very badly to being touched when he was like this (and he’d had the black eye to prove it for a few weeks afterwards) so he sat down cross legged a few feet from Colby on the bed and just talked to him, telling him that he was okay, he was safe. It was just a dream.

The begging tore at Sam’s heart the worst, because in it he could hear and understand everything that had been done to his friend before they arrived back home.  He could hear Colby’s alarm as he realized he was being attacked, the panic as a gun was pulled on him, the desperation as he was restrained, and fear as he realized exactly what plans the attacker had for him.  The pain and hysterical sobbing as he was first penetrated, followed by a terrified shut down and acceptance in the desperate plea that it would all just be over soon…

Sam hadn’t told Colby how much he was giving away in his episodes.  Colby would tell him when he was ready. And he was okay if Colby was never ready.  He honestly wasn’t sure if he was ready to know the full story.

The pleas for mercy stopped first, followed by the violent trembling.  Sam sighed to himself in relief, knowing it was almost over. He moved a little closer, knowing he might actually have a chance of getting through to Colby now.  “Colby? Colby, you with me?”

Nothing for a moment, then, “Sam?”

Sam would never forget the raw, torn voice that had struggled from Colby’s lips when he first found him, and his voice after every panic attack reminded him of that.  Raw, desperate, and tired. Terrified that Sam wasn’t real. “Hey bro,” Sam whispered, “You with me?”

Another pause.  “Yeah, I think so.”  Colby peeked out from behind his arms, face red and tear-streaked.  Sam’s heart ached again, wanted to reach out to Colby, to comfort him, but he waited.  If he touched him too soon, he could trigger him again.

Colby looked around the room, not really seeing it for a moment, before his eyes locked on Sam once more.  He closed his eyes. He took a deep breath. He looked at Sam. And for just a moment, Sam saw an echo of his best friend, not the zombie.  It was that brief glimpse that gave him the courage to do what he did next.

Sam opened his arms, inviting a hug.  

This had never gone well.  Colby usually sent him away, robotically slipping back into wherever he was going to deal with this.  It left Sam to retreat back to Kat, letting her hold him as he cried about not being able to help his best friend.   

This time however, Colby didn’t immediately shut him down.  He uncurled from his ball, looking at Sam with a mix of apprehension and desperation.  Sam knew he wanted the contact. It was written all over him. But he didn’t feel safe.   _What can I do?_ Sam thought,   _What would make you feel safe?_

Colby shifted towards him, moving like a spooked animal that had been kicked before.  Sam just waited, hoping, hoping oh so badly that he could just get Colby in his arms, give his best friend the hug he had been longing to give him for weeks.  

Colby’s whole body was tense, about a foot from Sam when he breathed, “You’re not going to hurt me?” It probably wasn’t meant as a question, but the uncertainty in his voice stabbed at Sam’s heart with little daggers.  But it was the closest Colby had been to accepting his help yet. He wouldn’t take it personally, not after Colby was raped.

“I’m not going to hurt you Colby,” Sam promised softly, “I just want to help you bro.  I promise.” Colby looked up at him, meeting his eyes, and nodded with another deep breath.  

Sam felt like he watched the next few seconds at half speed.  Colby approached him, slow as anything, like he was a bomb that might explode at any second.  “Can you…” The question came off choked.

“Whatever you need,” Sam promised.  And in that moment he would have given Colby anything.  

“Just don’t… move, okay?” He asked.  Sam nodded. “Okay…” He scooted closer to Sam, moving until their legs just touched, Colby staying on his knees.  Sam didn’t move, watching for Colby’s next movement.

He reached for Sam’s hands, gripping one in each hand and bringing them together to rest between them.  Sam had the vague sense that this functioned as a sort of restraint and safety blanket for Colby. He was okay with it, looking up at Colby and saying softly, “You’re okay, I’m not going to hurt you.”  

Colby’s gaze was fixated on their joined hands, and the moment seemed to stretch forever, as Sam stared at Colby staring at their hands, as their breathing synced, and Sam saw a bit of human-ness return to Colby’s face, and with that human came emotions, and then Colby was crying, and then Sam was crying, and the two of them were holding each other, and Sam didn’t even know when his hands had climbed up Colby’s back, just that he was holding his sobbing friend as Sam finally saw Colby come back into the body he had abandoned for so long.   

“You’re okay, you’re going to be okay,” Sam promised through his tears, and somehow, he knew that he would be.        

 

 

 

       

**Author's Note:**

> I feel kind of bad for writing this but I hope y'all enjoyed!


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